Sometimes One Spoon Just Isn't Enough

This boy makes me laugh every day.  He just had to have his yogurt and spoon and Mom's yogurt cup and spoon.  Life's pretty good for him. Yogurt and spoons readily available.

Today

Today was hard.  Today is ten years since my beautiful Mom died.  Ten years.  That's a long time to not see your Mom.  Over the last month I could feel the emotion building up and I knew today was going to be a hard day.  Over the years I have gotten used to it, I can talk about my Mom, tell new people I meet about what happened to her and I'm ok.  I am constantly telling myself that I should not  feel sorry for myself, there are so many much worse things that happen to people everyday in the world... and I am so very blessed.  I have so much joy in my life, I have so very much to be so grateful for, and I am.  Very grateful for a beautiful life.  But it doesn't mean it's not hard, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.  It is hard, and it does hurt.  Today I needed to cry.  The tears started flowing last night and continued for a good part of the day.  I cried tears of sadness, hurt, loss, love and hope.  I cried alone, I cried on the phone with my husband, I cried holding my baby boy in my arms, I cried on my front porch with my dearest friend, Kathryn.  The day is not over and I'm sure I'm going to go cry some more.

I love my Mom, I think of her every day, I miss her dearly every day.  I know she is happy, but I am sad for what I am missing out on.  I'm missing out on an adult relationship with my Mom, I feel like I'm such a different person as an adult and I so wish I could be sharing my adult life with her.  I'm missing out on a fun and loving Grandma for my kids.  I often wonder how different our life would be if she was here.  I can only imagine the fun she would have had with my kids.  The fun we would've had together.   I know she is aware of me and my children and what is happening in our lives, but that's it.  I don't get to see her with my kids, I don't get to share motherhood with her, my grown up friends don't get to meet her.  And I know they would love her.  I am sad for that.  And so I cried and cried some more.  Then I made cinnamon rolls.

 My little helpers

 Jensen's first cinnamon roll, he loved it! Well who wouldn't?! 

 They were pretty, and good, ya pretty good!

Thanks to my wonderful friends who remembered and who brightened my day, and to Ryan, the best husband ever, for being the best husband ever! 

I'm a mess, my house is mess, but oh my, does my house smells good.